Ok, so back at it. It's been so long since I've had the time to even post.  Hopefully I haven't come up short on ideas of where to begin.  I've got to make a commitment to start this over and continue my blog.  My bleeding feet is basically a way of saying that I have fallen off this path of faith and trying to find my way back has been a struggle.  My bleeding feet refers to climbing from these rugged paths back to the path that is hard to follow and stay on.  This blog isn't meant to be a way for me to show how great religion is or push any religion on anyone.  It's meant more as a discovery of the religion of Christianity viewed through my eye.  Growing up I felt that it was force fed to me, Sunday after Sunday, and now I just want to interpret it how I feel it applies to me and my walk through life.  I feel that the approach that I took originally with this blog was not how I should have approached it at all and that is the main reason why I failed to continue with it. 

Stay tuned I am working on getting back in the swing of things and hopefully soon I can get myself out of this rut we call life and back on board to discovery

Thanks

It's Been A While

As I have stated in my previous blogs, I knew that this was going to be a hard task.  I have been ultra busy with school, work, cars falling apart, and kids.  I have not made an effort to continue on with my studies or my devotionals with Lynne and it has really caused us to not become any closer.  Though there are many reasons for this, one being that we don't have a huge amount of time together to strengthen our relationship, and two because when we do have time together we do not make it quality time.  I really have to get back on this and spend more time doing our devotionals.

Back to 1 Corinthians 7, Instruction on marriage;
       Chapter 7 speaks of how if you are not married it is suggested not to get married, for the sole fact that then you will have all of yourself to give to God and God's plan.  If you get married it is not a sin but you should work together in your marriage to live for God and God's plan.  If you are married and your spouse is not religious or is not a believer, stay with them because you could be the one to save them.  If they wish to leave, let them go, it may have not meant to work out in your walk with God.  If you remarry then it should be for love and your relationship should be for God.

I believe the reason the suggestion for not getting married comes up in this passage is because while you are in a relationship with your spouse you also have to put God first.  The struggle there is of course that you may have a family and now you are tied to your earthly responsibilities in order to provide for your family.  This may cause conflict, but if you and your spouse are working together putting God first, everything else will fall into place.  Putting God first does not mean that you are neglecting each other it just means that you are going to commit to bettering your relationship with God as your Mentor.

Today I have to make a change...

He's trying to bring us down...

So, my wife and I are arguing a lot recently. Whether it be over something little or something of significance.  I feel that this has something to do with the fact that I have been trying to better my life with getting both her and I involved with our couples devotions and us reading scriptures in the bible.  Right now I completely feel that there is a source of influence that has weighed heavy on us.  I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life that I have felt that the devil may actually be playing a role in influencing how we are communicating.  The reason why I say this is because even though I am trying to better our relationship, we have been arguing continuously about random things that are completely insignificant.

Lynne and I have been together for over 5 years now and never have we been involved in religion.  It seems to me that if in fact there is an outside influence on how we are getting along, it must be (in this situation) the work of someone who is anti religion or anti-God.  I feel as though this has got to be the work of someone who is trying to keep us from growing in the teachings of Christ, through the word of God.  I am serious here. This is everything that I have grown up to know about the deceiver...  This is everything that I have sub-consciously remembered about trying to grow strong in the word of our God in a relationship.

Lynne said to me the other day, after reading 1st Corinthians, chapter 7, about marriage.  She says "I don't like reading the Bible by myself, for the simple reason that I do not understand.  I like how you help me understand..."  I then referenced back to Corinthians, chapter 7 verse 16 "Don't you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you?  Don't you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?" I feel that this speaks to us in many ways.  Lynne has very little understanding of religion because she has not had the same upbringing as i have.  I have a very inhibited view of religion because of all that I have seen growing up in a church.  I want to help Lynne to understand what I understand, however it feels as though there is this burning influence that is trying ever so hard to keep us from being closer in the word and works of God.

"Help us Lord, we are here at you feet begging for mercy, begging to understand"

Listen and be heard.

1 Corinthians chapter 7 speaks about marriage. A very suiting topic for today. 

See, last night I went and hung out with a couple friends, had a few drinks and went home. Well in the process of doing so I told Lynne that I wouldn't be out late. Well that plan got tossed out around drink 3 or 4 when we decided to go to a different place for a few more drinks. Lynne had been calling me and texting me but I was not aware that my phone was vibrating in my pocket. Well needless to say I went about three hours without actually looking at my phone (that's a record aside from the time that I spend without my phone sleeping) By the time that I got home there she was angry with me. 

At that point I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. Well Lynne was not ready for bed, Lynne was ready to have a discussion about why I had been ignoring her (which really wasn't the case) Being tired, I on the other hand did not want to have this discussion and of course the discussion commenced and eventually got to the point that we were arguing. To be completely honest I was just tired and perhaps a little intoxicated and just wanted to pass out and felt as though I was being attacked. Well if I would have just given her ten uninterrupted minutes to explain how she was feeling I could have saved an hour of argument and saved myself from sleeping somewhere other than my bed. 

The truth is, I was being selfish, whether it's because of the circumstances or because, according to Lynne, I am selfish. I was not sympathetic to her need to express herself. If I would have listened I probably would have realized that all it really was, is that she was worried about me and that I told her that I would be leaving to head home 3 hours before I really did. Over all I would have saved the argument, she still would have been upset but we at least would have been able to communicate efficiently and went to bed together as married couples should. 

To communicate and be selfless seems to be key. To listen and try to understand rather than argue and fight over something that isn't worth arguing over. To have the ability to resolve the issue or put it in the past and focus on your future together. If we could all do this then the ideal relationship we could have. But the reality is that we are all different. We cannot always find it in ourselves to see the other side of things and compromise and use our mistakes as the building blocks of a better future. 

"Forgive me"

My Bleeding Feet

My bleeding feet is a reference to my journey with God and how I have fallen off the path and have traveled upon a beaten uncharted path of my own, which seemed to be the easy route, but on that path I have fallen on hard times, financially, mentally, and relationship wise.  The path has been so rugged with rocks and jagged bricks (or ups and downs in my life) that my feet are destroyed from the constant clime to get back to walk on the path with God.  I still am not there yet.  And I still have a lot of work ahead of me and I know that even when I am finally back to the path it will be just as much work to maintain staying on that path.  Committing to the path with God is not simple but at least I know that the walk, with God, will be a relief to my bleeding feet.

My Bleeding Feet, they can be healed, they are still usable but they are far from walking on soft soil still and I will do my best to get there, to feel that sand under me, to let the Lord heal them and heal me.

Today I continued to read the book of Matthew; I find it very productive for me to read Jesus' teachings through the parables that he presents the word of God in.  I can understand them and I can use them to help me grow in Gods word.  The next parable that I read after the Farmer Scattering Seeds, was the parable of Wheat and Weeds.  This parable uses an analogy that I really like, however I do not like reading the word of God and seeing things like, "You will burn in Hell for your sins" because all it reminds me of is being a child and the Sunday School teacher telling me that if I do not accept Jesus as my Savior then I will die and live in the fires of Hell for all eternity.  Anyway, the parable goes a little something like this, "The kingdom of heaven is like a farmer who planted good seeds in his field.  But that night as the workers slept, his enemy came and planted weeds among the wheat, then slipped away.  When the crop began to grow and produce grain, the weeds also grew.  The farmer's workers went to him and said 'Sir, the field where you planted the good seed is full of weeds! Where did they come from?  An enemy has done this! the farmer exclaimed.  Should we pull out the weeds? they asked.  No, the farmer replied, you'll uproot the wheat if you do.  Let both grow together until the harvest.  Then I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds, tie them into bundles, and burn them, and to put the wheat in the barn." (Matthew Chapter 13, verse 24 through 30)

I really like this parable because it basically is talking about the kingdom of heaven and how God has planted all good seeds but the enemy is trying to stop them from producing any useful crops for the farmer.  We are the seeds, we are the wheat that grows to produce grain.  God is the farmer and without him we cannot grow.  The weeds are our trials and tribulations that are brought on by not following God or by being deceived by Satan.  We need to grow so God does everything that he can, however, we cannot "all" be saved and God knows that, even though he wants to save us all.  Remember that, God wants to save us all!

Day 2 July 5th 2011

Today I sat down and opened my bible.  I just chose a random page and began reading.  In the book of Matthew, chapter 13, verse 14 and 15; I read, "This fulfills the prophecy of Isaiah that says, 'When you hear what I say, you will not understand.  When you see what I do, you will not comprehend.  For the hearts of these people are hardened, and their ears cannot hear, and they have closed their eyes- so their eyes cannot see and their ears cannot hear, and the hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and let me heal them.'"

I felt that this spoke to me, I felt like there was a reason that I had opened to this page.  Call it silly coincidence but I honestly learned something today.  The earlier part of the chapter starts with the parable of the farmer spreading seeds.  Jesus was speaking to the people using parables and his disciples asked him why.  Jesus went on to explain that his disciples were given the ability to understand the meaning of his words but the people were not.  So even though they stand there and listen to him they do not understand and that is why he uses parables to help explain how to live following the word of God, through the teachings of Jesus.

My Prayer;
"Thank you Lord for this passage today. Guide me to open my heart to your glory and see and hear and comprehend the meaning of this message. Please give patience, for I know that this is not an over night transformation and allow me to open my heart, my eyes, my ears and my mind to accept the words that you have given me today.  Today is a good day, where I get to live again, breath again, see again, and hear again. Thank you Lord, Amen"

Day 1 July 4th, 2011.

I grew up going to church and many of our holidays and special events were celebrated with the congregation of the First Baptist Church of Martha Lake, Lynnwood, WA.  It has been nearly seven years since I have stepped foot into a church and it has been even longer since I have wanted to.  

As a child I enjoyed the thought of going to church because I did not understand what church was about, to me and I am sure just about any other kid under the age of 10 that attends church on a regular basis, church was about going to see my friends that I only got to hang out with once a week.  

Going in to my early teens I began to figure out that in fact the promise that I had made at the age of seven was a lifelong commitment to devoting myself and my life to God and the decision was mainly due to me just wanting to be like everyone else in the church.  I did not like that at all.  

During my teen years I began asking the whys and how comes and the adults of the church did not seem to think that it was smart of me to question why I was really going to church.  I felt that maybe I was just asking the right questions at the right time and that they did not like the fact that I had grown up and began to think for myself.  

By the age of 18, I turned to my mother and told her one Sunday morning that I no longer wanted to attend church.  My mother, though calm, responded almost angrily with, "Well you're an adult and that is fine if you want to make that decision."  Later that day I explained to her why I no longer wanted to attend church.  My reasoning was based off of many of hours spent in church resenting ever making the decision to accept Jesus as my savior and to follow God. (crazy but true)  I explained to her that I really felt that I had been raised to believe that if you wanted to be saved from death, all you had to do was accept Jesus as your savior.  Also I learned through Sunday school classes that we as God's creations and as Humans were given a choice and finally realized that even when I didn't want to go to church I was forced to go.  I did not agree with what church was teaching our children and our youth because I felt as though I had been misled or brainwashed to believe that if i didn't go to church or praise God then I was going to die. (Man that's a pretty heavy burden for a young person to carry, especially if they don't understand what was really meant by Death.)  

My wife, Lynne, and I had a horrible argument and the following morning I just felt as though I needed a tool or something that would help my wife and I be able to communicate better.  So I went to Boarders books by my work and found a devotional book for Lynne and I (mostly just to entertain the thought that there was probably something in there that might help mend our rocky relationship.)  I was in the book store I found next to the couples devotional books, a section of Bibles and decided that it was time that I bought one.  So back to square one, it has been many years now since I have touched a Bible and for the first time ever, I purchased my very first bible. (I have owned bibles before but not because I purchased them myself.)

Moving forward I do not have any expectations for this blog.  I just hope to share with the few of you that are reading this a little about me and what Lynne and I have learned over the course of the days, weeks, and months to come.  And hopefully be able to look back and see how turning to God may have actually improved our lives. my marriage and my relationships with others, as well as God.